Questioning Sovereignty

"But Moses said to the Lord, oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.' Then the Lord said to him, 'Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind?    
Is it not I, the Lord?'" Exodus 4:10-12

Commissioned by God, blessed with a God-spoken--detailed--plan of the Exodus, promised deliverance from Egypt, yet--he questioned God? Moses continues in verse 13, saying, "Oh, my Lord, please send someone else." Moses, without the comfort and confidence of the Holy Spirit, simply couldn't see how God could pull it off.

I laughed at this moment, imagining Moses before God Almighty, saying, "I don't want to!"

Then I saw myself. Maybe I don't say, "I don't want to, Lord,"  (very often!) but I question. I question a hundred times: will he provide for me financially, grant me the grace to graduate in the spring, prepare a place for me to go after graduation, deliver me and my family from current heartache and struggle, and (the often unspoken question, my twenty-something-friends) whether or not my dream of being married and having a family will be fulfilled....

God has set us in motion, yet we constantly find ourselves questioning if he will actually follow through, like Moses. But firmly, graciously He says, "I have made your mouth. I have the power to make you mute, deaf, blind." And Moses was always given the strength and faith for the day at hand.

What a beautiful Father to look beyond our persistent doubt, worry, and questioning to remind us of who He is and who we are not. He has commissioned us. He has directed our steps thus far and will continue to do so. He is in control.

This morning it hit me: I only have one life to choose to joyfully honor Christ despite the circumstances. Only one. In Heaven, no choice will be thought of or needed since we will be in the glorious presence of the beloved Savior. Here--now--this is my gifted moment on earth to courageously claim the peace from His ability to make the mute speak, deaf hear, and blind see--His ability to order my life as He wills.

There, in a fixation on the unchanging power of God, the questions may fade away, putting new, glory-filled words in my mouth.