Silent, Yet Watchful

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I had been studying, of course. Mom called from the kitchen, saying, "Honey, the sunset! You should go out and see!" She knows I'm kind of obsessed with sunrises and sunsets. I got up and pulled my boots on (and all the other gear to keep from freezing) and ran outside into the driveway. I anticipated needing to get beyond the treeline in the west to see the light, but to my surprise, the sun was setting directly in front of me.

I stopped and stood perfectly still. I never cease to be amazed by the changing light as the sun rises and sets. It catches my breath every time. 

I was standing there for nearly a minute before I realized that our horses had been starring at me, unflinchingly, ever since I had stopped short on the snow-covered driveway. Their warm breath curled into the sun rays setting behind them, and they didn't move. So I didn't either. After another couple of minutes, I began to think how strange their stillness was. They just watched me--as if I was the most interesting thing they had ever seen. I could feel their anticipation; my quietness seemed to captivate them in an odd way.

We were all perfectly silent and motionless.

Something about those moments struck me. Why and how was my stillness so alluring to them? And then I thought, with a laugh at myself, "Why do I need to know..." But the moment kept coming back to me, and while I was working, cleaning the tenth bathroom of the week, I began to understand...

Recently, the Lord has been fairly quiet. I graduate from college in June, and I still don't really know what He wants to do with my life (it doesn't end just because you enter college, friends!). To be honest, I've been distracted, restless, and unable to focus during my time with Him. Yet as the sun set, I stood there perfectly still and silent. In that quietness, my horse couldn't take her eyes off of me. She watched, anticipating, and I began wondering if I was meant to do the same.

I knew the Lord was revealing His heart to me: even in the silence, He desired me to be watchful. 

He deserves nothing less than my undivided attention. He is mysterious, uncontrollable, and ungraspable. Each of those characteristics call for my "constant gaze," and that's only three of thousands.

Ironically, a couple of days after mulling over this lesson, the "silence" was broken. ;) God has this way of keeping His plan under wraps until we've finally surrendered to the place we are in, doesn't He? On Friday afternoon, I received an exciting call from Summit Ministries in Colorado. They've accepted me to be on staff for the second half of the summer! I think God has a sense of humor!