Held Close

I held her close, swaying and twirling as her wails filled the small room. Her tears had been flowing all day, to peak at just the hour they would: six o'clock, nearly bedtime. 

We danced to the music that sounded steadily above the cries. I held her closer, I whispered and kissed. "I love you, my little one." Since I was almost in tears myself, all I could do was pray--"God, teach me something right now." 

And then my own misty eyes sprang forth as He quickly showed me that this was also Him and me: held close, swaying, crying, whispering love. How many times this has been you, LeAnna! And how I delighted in these moments to hold you close, speaking my love into your ear. You didn't know it because you were distracted by your cries, but I was there. We danced, we twirled, song filled the room. 

I knew exactly what days and times I had been the one wailing in the past; I knew exactly why the Lord revealed His heart to me in that present moment--I had started to believe He'd left me. In those dark days, I thought I was crying to myself, crying to a wall, never heard. That was months ago now, and in His sovereign way, He waited to show me that He had been there all along. 

Liliah's cries grew louder. I spoke to myself, "She is just a child; she doesn't yet know that she is perfectly safe and cherished." And love overwhelmed my own fatigue: this is also me, I am held close though yet I don't always see it.