A Bit of My Heart

     "I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, urge to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3
     Costa Rica is breathtaking. There is beauty here: in the people, in the diverse landscape, and culture. A gray-blue ocean spreads across a dark, sandy beach; tall, welcoming palm trees tower above; tropical flowers line the paths. I'm truly blessed and grateful to live in such a place, but the beauty of this place isn't enough. My flesh tells me that my surroundings should satisfy, but my "new self" knows otherwise. In all the splendor and wonder and awe of Uvita, Costa Rica, my joy and contentment can only come from Jesus. To be honest, I haven't been joy-filled or content. I've wandered from the blessed fufillment of the One who satisfies and renews hearts! Even in the seeking, the Lord has been showing me my arrogance and selfish ambitions--even while I sit quietly in the presence of God my motives are entirely corrupt! In short, I'm being convicted to align my desires completely with the Father once again. Just because I've arrived here doesn't change the need to have assurance and remind myself of my purpose: to glorify the Lord while I serve wholeheartedly.
     Walk worthy. Walk worthy of the calling you have received! How, Lord? As I remind myself of the purpose I am here, I ponder the action of walking worthy. It isn't possible in my own strength; unfortunately, I forget that I'm not here to fufill a calling. God will fufill the calling He's given through me. In humility, I can give up my rights and ambitions, live in gentleness and patience, and bear with others in love.
     I'm weary and painfully aware of my humanness as I attempt to function in a hot, tropical environment and practice the above commands (Eph. 4:1-3). At times, humorously, I attempt to convince myself to have energy and strength! The reality remains: I'm melting and worn. In His perfect timing, God gently reminds me that there are people all over the world praying for me and supporting the call God has placed on my life at this time. How much more joy do I need?
     In one last attempt to be vulnerable, I will add that my heart has yet to arrive. I left it home--and in New Zealand, to be honest. It's amazing how refining and difficult it can be to leave your heart behind (speaking to all travelers!). I truly desire to love this place with everything I am! I want to love the people, have a vision, embrace the culture, seek God's will for the village, and simply let Uvita be my life-breath, but I haven't entered that place...yet. Some moments, my heart aches after familiarity and commonality. I long for the comfort of family and my dear friends. Tears turn bright as I realize, with a smile and a bit of shame, that this life is not about comfort or my desires at all. All the discomfort and heartache and loneliness can be satisfied in one word: Jesus. All else fades away, and in light of eternity, this momentary "turmoil" vanishes into the light.
     Pray for divine perspective and (divine) energy! God is faithful to convict His children; pray that I can be faithful in my response. Also, pray that the Lord can truly turn my heart toward Costa Rica. I'm eager for all the beautiful things He has in store for my time here. All glory to the Father!